Top 5 Fridays – Moustaches

In honour of the month of Movember I’m including a list of what I consider to be the most important moustaches in popular culture. Going through the process, I began to realise that 5 slots were definitely not enough to include all the greats, so this was mostly an excercise in elimination. Extra points are scored for sporting the moustache in more than one movie, show or character.

5. Burt Reynolds: They don’t come much more iconic than this, but I don’t really see what the big deal is about. I never actually saw Smokey and the Bandit until this century, and I don’t think I’ve even seen the entire movie yet, so I’m not exactly wrapped up in the whole “The Burt” thing. I imagine there’s still an entire culture of North America that sports the Reynolds look, but without the irony. The differences between the two were subtle, but I think I liked his moustache a lot better in Boogie Nights. Odd, considering that Smokey and the Bandit was released the same year that Eddie Adams met Jack Horner in Boogie Nights – yet Horner’s moustache is more conservative and more “today”. Regardless, after seeing The Longest Yard, there can be no argument that Reynolds looks better with the ‘stache on than off, and that’s reason enough to keep him on the list.
Moustache Style: Because it crosses the sides of the lips, I’m gonna have to file this one under chevron.

4. Tom Selleck: If you ask me, Tom Selleck has been wearing that moustache to hide his shame for passing up on Indiana Jones to be Magnum PI. Hindsight’s 20/20, but was the director and producer of the film not indication enough that his time would have been better spent someplace other than Hawaii? Selleck has made good use of his ‘stache in movies like Quigley Down Under and High Road to China, and was even able to pull off getting rid of it on Friends (where his moustache was cool enough to get the guys to try and grow their own). Unlike Burt Reynolds, the moustache is indellibly part of Selleck’s look, which really makes his identity inextricably linked to this strip of facial hair. When you look at it like that, having him remove it on what was one of the most watched series’ of the 90s was a pretty bold move. Here’s to you, Thomas Magnum!
Moustache Style: I’m no expert, but I’m thinking that Tom Selleck is rocking the paintbrush style. It’s thick all the way through, and angles out slightly on the ends.

3. Ned Flanders: Ned’s push-broom/soup-strainer/nose neighbour has to be one of the nest known moustaches of the 21st century, but this century’s been pretty slim pickings considering it’s been out of vogue for so long. That kind of throwback quality is probably one of the reasons for Ned’s fondness for Dr. Fuzzenstein, despite the fact that Ned got offered a modelling contract when he decided to shave that off in exchange for Homer using a swear jar. I thought is was interesting that while Ned’s ‘stache might imply some kind of adherence to the evangelical Christian establishment, when he went to Littleton, PA his moustache actually became more of a symbol of rebellion when he refused to lose the “hippie lip”.
Moustache Style: There are some fanboys who might disagree, but I think that based on the size, shape and position I’m thinking that this is a walrus. The Simpsons wiki claims that it’s a caterpillar moustache, but it creeps over his lip, so I say no way.

2. Charlie Chaplin: While it might not be the beefiest of moustraches, “The Tramp’s” moustache is certainly on of the most iconic. I had been under the impression that Hitler had really ruined the use of such a moustache, but since they were contemporaries, Chaplin actually used the similarity to his advantage in lampooning the in famous German in The Great Dictator. Applied as make-up and not actually grown by Chaplin himself, he chose a small style so that it wouldn’t impede his ability to express himself. makes sense, as a silent film actor, if you can’t see the guy’s mouth, how the heck are you supposed to know what he’s feeling, saying or doing? More than a simple make-up accessory though, Chaplin used his moustache as a prop as much as he did his cane or hat, just another means of expressing himself silently.
Moustache Style: It’s apparently called a toothbrush, according to the chart, but this is Charlie Chaplin we’re talking about here – if anything, it should be named after him.

1. Sam Elliott: If you don’t know the name, you at least know the ‘stache. Sam has been rocking a sweet moustache in just about every role I’ve ever seen him in, and yet he’s somehow managed to keep it from drowning out his performance. Unlike Bill Paxton and Kurt Russell, Sam didn’t need any bushy prosthetics for his upper lip in Tombstone, pure Elliott. Does his ‘stache make him more of a man? More of a killing machine? You tell me: According to Wikipedia (which doesn’t cite an actual source) there are only 2 books in the US Army’s Officer Professional Development Recommended Reading List (Really? Only 2 books in a reading list? Not much of a list. Maybe only 2 of the books on the list have been adapted into movies.) and Sam Elliott has starred in film adaptations of both of them. Coincidence?
Moustache Style: If there’s a horseshoe moustache by which other horseshoe moustaches are judged, it’s Sam Elliott’s.