Out of all the movies adapted from books written by 15-year-old boys I’ve seen, certainly left an impression.
Having now pointed out Eragon’s only true distinction, I can now proceed to systematically dismember this waste of an hour and half of my precious couch time.
Eragon tells the familiar tale of a poor farmboy who discovers great power by befriending a dragon, and leads an uprising against an evil tyrant. Every plot point plays itself out in the same contrived fashion that cinemanistas complain is ruining Hollywood (or keeping it ruined). It is a saccharine venture into the fantastical world of Dragons and Sorcery that will leave you longing for the mundane reality of your refrigerator.
I don’t really blame the producers and studio for banking on this film. Fantasy’s about as hot as it’s gonna get right now, and everyone and their mother’s been successfully adapting books, but Eragon is no Harry Potter, nor is it a Lord of the Rings. In their hubris, they must have shelled out some serious dough to wrangle in such a distinguished cast (not being sarcastic here). Jeremy Irons, John Malkovich, Robbie Carlyle and Djimon Hounsou all show up for a decent amount of screen time, even Rachel Weisz lends her voice to this picture – and all for naught.
The dialogue is ham-fisted, perhaps brightening my night by reminding me that anyone can write a script for the big screen, anyone. Every verbal exchange has me rolling my eyes and saying “It was great when I saw it the first time, when it was (insert classic Sci-Fi/Fantasy movie here)”. To it’s credit, it didn’t really rip off many recent films, but I think that just makes the writer look more guilty for try to conceal their crime. Hollywood powerhouses like Irons and Malkovich do their best to plod their way through it, but I almost shed a tear watching it happen.
As for the plot itself, like any adaptation out there, it really only has it’s source material to blame, so I can’t really pick on it too much for that. But would it have hurt to play with the subtext or something? How about some clever visual motifs? You know, really take advantage of the medium.
The costumes and set design weren’t bad… if you were doing a guest turn on an episode of Doctor Who. And that red sword? Come on. If your target audience is children, you have to go with something a little snazzier than just the colour red. How about some curves, serrations, or some kind of nifty handle?
I have to wonder about whether Malkovich will make a return appearance for the sequels? While I’m sure he’s under contract, I doubt that the studio will be willing to shell out the money for him based on their previous showing. Not to mention having to pay for Jeremy Iron’s ghost to come walking out of the swamp to console young Luke… Oh, wait.
It’s the safest and easiest thing in the world to pick on a film that everyone can agree was lame… and it’s fun too. Having not worked out a rating system yet, all I can say is that this was a movie that I spent the duration wondering how much more I would enjoy watching a Simpsons rerun on my PVR instead… Having not actually made the switch, I suppose this isn’t bottom of the barrel, but I think it was the genre that kept my attention, not the movie.
The Verdict:
