Because I just can’t leave you guys hanging, even if you’ve already seen it, I just had to post this up on our site. After watching it, I’m totally drooling, but there might have been a few surprises I might have liked to have held onto until I see it in theatres. Make up your own mind – and then geek out all over it. Hey, post your thoughts, I’d love to get a discussion going.
Iron Man 2 arrives on May 7, 2010.
This trailer is great because it is a new trailer for Iron Man 2: The Dark Nights and the old trailer makes me think it is going to smell like my Grammas bathroom after my Uncle Dmitri comes out but now I see this and I think it will be more like when a girl asks me if she can get pregnant from sex in a butt and I dont know what to do so I say “okay” (and she didnt not get pregnant. SWEET!)
The beggining of this trailer is so inspirational to me because Sherlock Homes flies into a Justin Timberlake concert and there is a American Flag like General Pattons movie and I get tears because it is my dream to do the same thing except my arrival will be more sweet because Amedeus and Emmanuel will do flying Jason Statham karate kicks behind me while I talk to my fans.
One things that is great about this new one and not so grat about this old one is that I am like “why a fuck is no one shooting The Wrestlers threw his wips because he has no fucking armors dumb fuck shit nuts!?” but now they show me that it happens in a Monacos so I am like “oh it is because they are in a France with the pussies who is a bitches who are scared of whips and who dont like guns.” The movie makers did so much research for that part I am impressed.
I cannot tell what they are saying because they have not yet invented a babelfish at altavista.com for movie tralers but i dont need to no because they have a new suit for Mister Watsons who is now black and he has a gatling gun on his shoulder so best actor goes to him and best suit with a gun on the shoulder goes to IM2:TDN. Then there are other robots and they fight in a pond. Okay!
Scarlet Van Wilder looks so short and ugly but for some reasons my boners got so big and now I have to go to the bathroom really quickly. Okay I am back. Then there are so many fast shots of things I cant not follow because I am still hanging over from my Chimays that Soren gave me yesterday.
If The Wrestlers is going to want to win a Oscar for this he needs to have a DUIs and die in a house of a Full House twins because his accent is a shit like Heath Ledger is making a bad impression of a French Stewarts from 3rd Rock of a Sun but because he is dead no one say shit.
I see.
I hadn’t thought to parallel the sequel to the sequel of Batman Begins. If anything if evokes memories of Batman Forever – only not in a way that sucks as much. I also like the French Stewart impression idea – hadn’t picked up on that before, but it works… kind of.
This movie is making so many things happen in my pants that it is #6 on my list of movies that are making things happen in my pants for 2010. Here is the rest of my list from my new blog posts. Are you liking it or maybe not? I hope so.
10. Piranha 3-D
When people ask me what is my favorite fish they think I will say Great White Shark because it is so good at killing people which I love but I shock them when I say it is a piranha. Great Whites will bite off big chunks of your body and swallow you hole like Samuel LL Cool Jacksons in Steven Speilburgs Deep Blue Sea movie and that is okay. But a piranha eats all of your skin and meat and leaves the skeleton bones and everyone knows that skeleton bones are scary and that is why people put skeletons on there doors at Halloween and not a great white shark. So Piranhas win and in 3-D ouch my boner scraped my zipper!
9. Jackass 3-D
Jackass movies are great to me because it is like watching all the memories of my life on screen and makes me believe I will be famous like my dreams. They are very inspirational to me. I do not get boners from them but they make a lot of laughter in me and I love to go and see them because I put so much Coca Cola Lite in my mouth and then spit it on the people in front of me and say it is an accident… but it is not an accident. I make sure to see it at a cinema I dont work at because after Jackass 1-D I have to clean it up the next day myself.
8. Step Up 3-D
Step Up 1-D had so many sweet B-boy moves and GI Joe is kind of a gay to me but his dancing make me think not so much. Maybe we can be friends. Then when I think it cant get better in Step Up 2-D in The Street he comes and jumps in the air and a pole takes off his t-shirt and I was like FUUUUUUUUCK!!! he just stepped the fuck up but then he is not in the rest of the movie but it is okay because they get such nice boobs to dance in the rain for me the rest of the time. So if they keep stepping up this movie is going to be so sweet and young American girls shaking there shits in my face 3-D might make my heart cum so much that I die and it is my dream to die in a movie theater with 3-D ass and boobs in my face.
7. Toy Story 3-D
Toy Story 1-D is shit to me. I am sorry and I no that it is groundshaking and everything because it is first movie drawn by a computer brain but it has Forrest Gump and Home Improvement Monster who I hate more than 2 people ever. One would have been bad enough but they have both of these least favorites of mine in one movie. ASSHOLES! Part 2-D was okay and this one actually looks very good maybe because I have kids now and this movie also looks like something I can watch with them that will not make me want to drown them in a bathtub like In a Night Garden does.
6. Iron Man 2-D 3-D
I rote about this movie yesterday and you can see it here. It looks really really sweet. Sorry I am just remembering about the person on the bus with shit in there pants and Im wanting to throw up.
5. Inception 3-D
This is the new Batman movie but this time Arnie from Gilbert Grapes is Batman instead of American Psychos and Batman lives in the matrix now. Did you read what I just said? Batman lives in the Matrix now! I am sorry for making your brain explode on your computer but I have no choice.
4. Hot Tub Time Machine 3-D
This might be the best Time Traveling movie ever that I love so much. Time Travel is something I think about a lot because one time I saw myself walking past the cinema and I was like oh shit I built a time machine in the future and came back to walk past me so that I can get the motivation to build a time machine so that I can go back and walk past me at the cinema and do other sweet shit I am positive. I tell people this and they ask what other kind of sweet shit? And I say I am going to go back and write all the best movies like Summer School and Predator and Kickboxer and make 2 million dollars and put it in a bank account to have 5 million dollars now and also write some songs like Ice Cube’s Go to Church and Bryan Adams We’re in Heaven. So when I see time traveling movies and the charactors never do this I am like “this is so unrealistic” but thismovie does it and so Oscar for best screenwriting goes to them.
3. tie Predators 3-D and Machete 3-D
So this must be 2 of the movies I have gone back in time to make and I dont no it yet. I am so ecited for these because they have so many favorite things of mine: death, aliens, space, killing, stabbing, shooting, guns, explosions!, motorcycles, not very much talking or stories, and Robert Rodriguez’s, and 3-D. Holy shit balls of fire!
2. Resident Evil Afterlife 3-D
This typing might be very bad because I have my good hand in my pants pleasuring my balls right now. So many people say shit like “this and this is a reason why 3-D was invented” but Milla Jovovich really is the only reasons 3-D was invented. If they go back and remake all her movies into 3-D like Blue Lagoons, Days are Confused, etc. then it will make James Camerons cry so much because he will no longer have the movies that make the most money… until he puts Milla in Avatar movie 2-D 3-D.
and I just unzipped my pants for…
1. Red Dawn
When I think of how sweet heaven will be when I am dead it is always me and Soren and Amedeus and Emmanuel and maybe my wife and we are now Americans and we have some sweet fucking guns and a trucks maybe and we are killing so many Russians it makes me smile so big right now people in the library think I am crazy. So this movie can be called Red Dawn or it can be called Heaven and it will make total sense to everyone